Hooked, Booked and Cooked

I have been known to be a rebel at heart and I think I have the capacity to shock and surprise people by the kind of things I do. Unpredictable!

So, when most people of my age and above have been searching for ways to escape marriages, I decided to go headlong into it. I think I am a rare case who decided to take a step towards tying the knot by preference than by pressure. Now, don’t mistake me here. I am nothing like the Geet of ‘Jab We Met’ jise shaadi karne ka bada shauk hai. I am a(n) (ab)normal girl who is scared of the ‘M’ word as much as any other girl, and in fact more so given to my tom boyishness. It freaks me out. And I have never felt more like running away than now, since the time I committed myself to it. Go ahead; ask me, what’s keeping me chained up when I have nobody urging me into it?

Love. What else can?

A complete believer of love. Not-so-romantic at heart. More practical than emotional and yet head over heels in love with the Guy. This is not a story of a girl who found the man of her dreams. She couldn’t have, you see, because she never dreamt about things like that. She dreamt of words that would be whispered to her, of the colors that her life would be filled with, of music, of laughter, of warmth and love. And those are the dreams that this Guy so easily fulfills, that I don’t have anything more to ask for. I am a bloody opportunist, I don’t let good things go, I fight my right for them! ;) And that is exactly what I did.

Small Talk

So, this is what happened yesterday. I had to undergo a KT session with a team mate of mine. She said she would take the session after giving her certification which was scheduled for after lunch. And that certification was what became our topic of conversation for a good ten mins because I just gave the same certification a week ago.

Cut to the scene after her certification, when I bumped into her in the washroom.

She: “I am free now. I will give you the KT now.”

Me: “Okay. I will join you in a bit”, I said washing my hands.

She was looking pointedly at me and I gave her a quizzical look.

She: “My certification was bad Shivani. I got 64. Another 4-5 answers right and I would have cleared it.”

Oh! So that was it. She wanted me to ask how her certification had been.

Me: “Oh! That’s bad. It’s okay. You can take it in the next cycle. You don’t have enough time at hand to book a slot again.”

And we spent another 2-5 mins discussing the key points of the certification till she was assured that her strategy for the re-test had to be what we had discussed.

The key thing that I realized yet again was something else. I am absolutely inept at making small talk. I knew she had finished her certification but asking her about it seemed like a personal question so I didn’t. And there she was, wanting to tell me all about it. For her it was just a way to get conversational as it must be with a million other people. But I happen to be an absolute failure in this matter.

Most people always start the conversation on a Monday morning by enquiring about all the Hows, Wheres and Whats of the weekend spent. I generally don’t till I am asked. I can’t even get myself to ask people about the weather in a different city on the phone. I realized that this was also a way to make conversation when a friend called over for no apparent reason and asked me this before we went chattering along the memory lane.

There is this cubicle-mate of mine who bought a Sari for his mom at a sale that was held in the office. I was snoozing at my desk and he actually woke me up to get my opinion about it so that he could get it changed while he still had the opportunity to, if necessary. I gave him my two cents on it and that was the end of conversation for me. I didn’t even bother asking the price or whether the collection at the sale was good or anything else like the other guy in the cube did. Reason? It didn’t occur to me that I should have asked. And I was very ashamed of myself that being a girl, I could not take even that much interest in a matter that a guy thought was addressed best by a girl.

There is this particular friend of mine who makes it a point to ask me every single day the same question when we get down from the bus, “Did you have your breakfast?” I have still not learnt to be the first one to ask her the question.

There are so many such small gestures by different people that make me feel warm at heart. Even if it is just polite small talk, it gives the impression that the person cares a little bit for you. I on the other hand am totally incapable of making a person feel comfortable in my presence by making idle conversation.

Though I am known to be more like a chattering magpie and an outgoing extrovert I can’t seem to get the hang of unnecessary polite conversations. I prefer silence to that, probably more out of fear of having to make small talk in return more than anything else.

Hugs!

Hugs are probably the most expressive way of physical communiaction with a person. There are hugs for all times and for all occassions, be it happy or sad. Also, the kind of hug you get from different people varies. Hell! The kind of hug you get from the same person also varies under different situations. So technically there is at least one huggable person for every situation.

Now, what actually got me started on this topic??

I feel like I want a hug, and I want a hug right now. But I dont know from whom and even why in the first place. I just want one. The sad part of it is that I cant think of one person in town who can give me a hug that will suffice my need for now :(

I wish some of my very close friends were here, not that I would have been able to hug all of them, but atleast their presence would not make me feel so lonely. You see, with some people that kind of a physical comfort never comes, even after years of sharing a beautiful relationship. In fact, if I were to, say hug Kiddo, both he and I would feel awkward about it. And that feeling of awkwardness would continue over meetings till the dam would break on either of the sides and we would tell the other person "Dont ever make the mistake of hugging me again. Its petrifying. It just doesnt feel natural or normal. :-/" Again, there is Mirchi and Prudence, and Jerry too off-course, whom I can ask for a hug whenever I want and am sure to get it if they are around.

The other day, Prudence and I were talking about days like today when we feel like a real hug and a virtual one just wont do. We were wondering if we could make a robotic machine with 2 arms that could replicate the type of a hug we get from a person, if it could in any way generate the same warmth or feeling. I think that would do for a start even if it cannot give different hugs in different situation. Wouldnt it be wonderful if I could just choose whom I want to hug and get one instantly? Pointers anyone?

Aquarius Woman

Inconsistency and confusion describe the characteristics profile of an Aquarius female. The same goes for her love life too. She is very loyal, but at the same time, she is also a little detached and not extremely emotional. She will be committed and remain faithful too, but do not try to bind her. Let her enjoy her freedom and in return, she will come back to you when she gets tired of her expeditions. Her dreams are very different from that of a normal female and she hums a different tune, which most of us have not even heard of.

An Aquarian female is like a butterfly, which sits on every flower, but belongs to none. She loves her freedom and if you can accept this, she will love you even more. Within her boundless limits, her love will also be limitless. Position and power matter to her more than money and bank balance. If you want her to fall in love with you, be true and honest, not only to others, but also to yourself. You don't need to follow her rules. You can form your own code of ethics, but be sure to live by them.

Passion is not one of the personality traits of Aquarian girl. Rather, her love will be subtle and unassuming. She is intense, but may prefer to be platonic most of the time. Hosting as well as attending parties comes naturally to her and she will always be a social delight. She will trust you completely and will not be unduly suspicious of your activities. You will also not be bothered by too much jealousy or possessiveness on her part. Her trust arises from the fact that before committing, she had dissected your behavior under a microscope.

Only after being convinced of your integrity did she take the next step. Still, if you become unfaithful to her, she will be extremely hurt and is likely to remember the wound for a long time. With an Aquarian female, out of sight means out of mind too. So, make sure to be around here always. She has a very strong will power. If she thinks the relationship is not working and has no chances of improving also, she will break it right away; though doing so may tear her heart into two pieces. Like every Aquarian, she will remember her first love throughout her life.

It's no use getting upset, better be the first love in her life. She will never ever be dishonest in a relationship and even if she indulges in an extra-marital affair, it will end before it even started. She will always try to know your deepest thoughts and secrets, but her own dreams will be beyond your reach. Conversing with an Aquarian female is usually a delight because of her charming manners. Her mind is quite unpredictable and you will find it hard keeping track. She will live in the present, then suddenly be wistful about yesterday and then, become enthusiastic about tomorrow.

She may talk about fairies one day and discard elves as humbug, the other. Never look down on her or she might never look upto you. She respects you and will expect the same in return. As mothers, Aquarian women tend to be very loving and caring. Though in the beginning, they may be a little nervous about the whole idea of motherhood. But once they become comfortable with it, it will come to them naturally. An Aquarius female may find it difficult to express her love in the form of hugs and kisses and you will have to teach her that. She will never overburden the kids with protection.

At the same time, she will always be a patient listener to their childhood and adolescent problems. Teaching them discipline will also be your responsibility. However, for all this to happen you will have to convince her to get married and this certainly isn't an easy job. You will also have to teach her romance, since expressing emotions does not come too easily to her. She will happily hold your hand and walk besides you, but don't expect her to gaze into your eyes for hours at a stretch.

Don't smother your Aquarian girl with too much closeness, she needs her space and will give you, yours too. Things like suspicion, possessiveness, chauvinism and criticism turn her off. Just be nice to her odd bunch of friends and she will warmly welcome yours into the house. Make use of her intuition and insight, it may help you in solving a problem or two. It may seem like wishful thinking now, but then, remember she looks in the future. Hold her hand and she will let you see the future too, where both of you are cozily living together!

Smiles are contagious :)

A few days back, I was observing this guy who works at the Food Court in my office. Walking from one end of the FC to a spot close to where I was seated, a spring in his step, a huge smile plastered on his face, nodding at and patting every single person he saw. This chap looked like he was bursting with happiness and just wanted somebody to share it with. His smile was contagious, and it had many of us smiling back at him though he wasn’t even smiling at us. :) I was curious about what made him so happy. Every other person I could see around me was either cribbing about work or the heat. So, I wondered what had tickled this guy.

I turned back, hoping to catch the conversation between him and his friend, only to realize that the man used sign language to speak. He is a mute. It hit me hard. If only the man could speak, I know that words would be pouring out of him in an incessant chatter. And yet, his disability didn’t seem to hinder his way of expression. He had a rather animated conversation with his friend, and left a lot more people smiling. I wasn’t the only one observing. :)

And today, I saw the chap again. His smile is his best attire, and he is always dressed in his best. That one genuine smile from a complete stranger can make you forget your worries, even if it is a momentary feeling. I think a lot of people here in office, owe him one for making their day.

Kudos to you dude!

It takes a man and a woman to Salsa !!

I have been offered a chance to teach dance - Salsa. I am not extraordinarily good at it, but I am not that bad either. So I think I will take a shot at it. I hope to get better at it myself, while teaching. But there is a little thing thats worrying me.

It will be easy to teach the men, because you can correct them when you dance with them. Or if they dont lead properly, you can stop and ask them to try again. And it would be a great joy to dance with somebody who can lead you well. But what about the women? What when you have to play the man's part and lead the ladies?

There is this particular lady in my class who is, I dunno, either XY phobic or has an inclination towards the XX. She says its easier to follow lead if a woman is guiding her, and things like it should be a woman dominated dance, or it would be better if two women salsa-ed together rather than a man and a woman. If she had a choice to pick a partner for the dance, I am sure she would pick a woman and not a man. Umm, I dont know what is she doing in a salsa class, looking for pretty women to dance with, just like the men do?

I am not sure how am I going to handle women like that when the time comes. Thankfully, I am safe as of now because I dont know the guy's footwork! :D

To dear Jerry, - with love from Tom

Seventeen years ago, today, an excited girl with a curly head had gone to get herself a doll. That’s what she had been promised. A doll that she wanted to take to school along with her, to show off to her friends (Naivety of a 6 year old) :)

Back then, she didn’t know that her doll, her sister, was going to be more than a playmate for her. She didn’t know that the kid was going to be her life and soul. More like her own kid, than a sister.

Now, the kid's all grown up and is just a year short of adulthood. And I feel like awww, she has grown up too fast. I wish she could stay the mushroom headed tiny little thing that she was, forever. I am not even out of the habit of calling her 'baby' yet, and she has shot up an inch over me!!

But again, I am not sorry that you have grown up to be what you are. My friend. My confidante. My soulmate. And also the best(est) sister in the world.

You have always been there through my daily ups and downs and my oscillating mood swings, my temper-trums, my moments of ecstasy and my normal silliness. I love the way we complement each other, just like day and night. Had you been a "similar someone", life would have been rather boring. It’s nice to disagree on everything the other person says, and to like the same things and then fight over who gets it. Its fun to sneak into each other’s cupboards for clothes, though messing it up isn’t. How wonderful it feels to sing at the top of our lungs to songs that we like, even if ma-pa say that we sound like wolves howling. I love the silly talks that we have in our funny hindi-english-gujarati mix of a language, and when we giggle over the phone for nothing. It makes you feel so special when your sister fights with her best friend just because she dared to say something nasty about you. And it’s cool when all her friends know you, and all your friends know her, and then you go around hating their best friends out of sheer possessiveness. I love the hug that you give me every day when I get back from work. And I love making everybody else wait for my attention while I am busy showering it upon you. I love all the sister's-day-out(s) that we have, because it’s so much fun to do things together. I love spoiling you, even though I maybe the person who complains the most about you being a spoilt brat! :D

In short, I love you!

Wishing you a very Happy Birthday nannu!!

One in a Lakh!!

There is nothing normal about me. I should have known!

A very normal homo sapien has a set of 32 teeth. Then there is a category of a huge mass of slightly abnormal people whose milk teeth refuse detach or fall off as they are are normally supposed to, and then people end up having 2 permanent incisors instead of one. These kind of teeth are called mesiodens. They are the most common kind of supernumerary teeth, so not a very rare abnormality, I would say.

Next is the category of the very abnormal people. People like me. People who have the rarest kind of supernumerary tooth, the paramolar. Lets make that plural - teeth, because I have (or rather, had) two of those.(= 34 teeth) BTW, The paramolar is the extra tooth that grows beyond your wisdom tooth.

I had to get one of them plucked out because of the discomfort it was causing. A shot of local anesthesia. 2 mins by the watch. And out came the tooth on a wad of cotton. (= 33 teeth. I am still abnormal :P) The doc gave me the tooth for safe-keeping, saying its a rare thing to have. I threw it in the dustbin after coming home though. 1) Because it didnt look like my tooth. 2) I didnt know what I would do keepig it. Show it to people who came visitig me? :O :/

But, I have never felt this happy after visiting the dentist! Mind you, he knocked out my tooth and it did hurt after the anesthesia wore off. But the joy of being scientifically proved as a 'One in a Lakh' people is something!!! :P :P :P

Touching base with the past

You will rarely find friends who equal up to your school friends. Its beautiful how easily you can slip into conversations of any kind with them without having to think twice. They know you in and out and you can be at ease being yourself around them. You didnt comb your hair today, or your eye makeup is running all over your face, or you have just come up with a couple of extra pimples doesnt really bother them. To them, you are how they know you. Comments, compliments, leg pulling and being down right honest and blunt is generally the order. They have seen you from the time when you were, err.. what should I say.. raw, perhaps?

I miss those days when we were all a mass of blue and white uniforms with red belts, and yes red ribbons too in the case of girls. I dont miss the ribbons though. Tacky those were. The endless chats that we would have by the wall surrounding the ground, a favourite hangout. The link ups. The teasing. The teachers. Even the lab assistants. The hours that we would take to bid each other a good bye everyday. And the phone calls that followed once we were home. Classes through which we would yawn. Classes that we really enjoyed. What a naughty batch we were, each one of us driving our teachers mad in our own way. Joint studies. Notes borrowed. Oh heck! homework copied :) I could go on, but you know, I hadnt started this blog with this on my mind.

A reunion with my school friends really helped me wash out the nauseatic feeling that i had been developing of late, of not really having real friends at work. Its not like its a sob story at work. I love my team, and we are friends in the general way. But they arent the kind of friends I can share everything with. Neither would they not be judgemental. So you know, I have got to be careful about what I am saying and to whom. And I have got to mind my tone and my impatience, and I dont like pretence of that kind...

I have already said we were a naughty batch. An almost good for nothing batch if I may exagerate it. Back in school we werent even sure of what we wanted to do with life. And we were very sure that neither was our next neighbour. Its been 5 years since then and we are all somewhere, somewhere significant, each one of us proud with our progress. Along with the friendship, the respect for each other has grown too. There is a genuine feeling of pride and happiness.

Mr. Watt will be a Doctrate in 2 months. I cant really imagine calling him Dr. Watt!!

The kiddo has grown up too, though we wouldnt admit it on his face. He has a job. He has plans for the future. And more importantly the potential to make them happen.

Big-Bro has finally been caught by the big fish and is going to earn twice as much as I do. I intend to spend it well ;)

Silent-Killer is still going through the ups and downs that a new job gets along. But the day she tires of it, she will throw caution to the winds and forge ahead. Unstoppable she is, once on the roll.

Mr. Photographer is yet to become a professional photographer. In fact we didnt even know of this hidden talent all these years. At the moment we are more serious about him being one than he is. He is going to go for his MS soon, an engineering-management course. sounds geeky, bt not half as cool as his photography, because thats where he truly belongs. Lets see..

And the others who were not at the reunion are also all doing extremely good. Many of them doing what they have always wanted to.

I am the only one who is still groping about in darkness without direction, not knowing how to go about what I want to do, not moving a millimeter ahead.. not ready to settle for anything else apart from that, and yet not knowing what is it that I am really stuggling for. I just know that what I am doing today is not it.